Today I’m once again at the library in Oslo, overlooking the harbor. It’s been a while since I came here actually, but since I planned to blog a little today, I decided to return here. I’ve always found it inspiring to sit somewhere where I can have a view of some kind when I’m writing, and the library is a great spot for that, even if the skies are grey and heavy with rain today. A typical October day here in Norway… but I digress.
This post will build somewhat on a previous blog post that I wrote earlier this year, so you may want to read up on that one, too, as a supplement to this topic, but it’s not necessary in order to understand the meaning of this particular post. I’m continuing to focus on the theme of power, this time more in the context of women and the feminine, as that is something that I continue to be confronted with on my journey. And I suppose it’s also an appropriate topic at the moment, with Venus recently beginning her retrograde journey in Scorpio. My natal Venus is also in Scorpio, so for me this is an ongoing topic, that is particularly highlighted at the moment…
In my previous post, my focus was on Leo (as the nodes moved into the Leo/Aquarius axis earlier this year), and with my natal Saturn in Leo, my issues around visibility and power has been a challenge for me in this regard. Venus in Scorpio has a slightly different flavor to it, though, as both Venus and Scorpio are considered feminine aspects in astrology, whereas Leo and Saturn are considered masculine. Power has both a masculine and feminine component that are complimentary, meaning that men and women need both, and it is something that we all need to balance, both individually, and in society at large.
Feminine power has generally been suppressed for a long time here on earth, whereas masculine power has been propped up, which has resulted in a deep and longstanding distortion of both powers within society. This has also had a deep effect on us all individually, and it’s something I’ve been continually challenged with on my journey. I’ve had several past lives come up that have helped explain why I’m having the issues I’m having today when it comes to power in its many forms (some of which I mention in the aforementioned blog post). It seems that it is something I am meant to conquer, though, as I come face to face with it again and again on this journey, and I’m being continually invited to work with it.
In my job I’ve had an opportunity to step more into leadership roles over the last couple of years, and once again I’ve been offered a promotion in this regard, this time to assistant manager at the branch where I work. Each promotion has come as a bit of a surprise to me, as it wasn’t actually something I particularly aimed for, or even considered in the realm of possibility for me, yet here I am. I start this new role from November, but have already begun taking on some of the duties of my new position. I’m actually quite excited about it, as I think this will assist me in growing and stepping even more into my power, challenging me to set firmer boundaries and the like, which is something I still need to get more comfortable with, even as I have made strides in recent years in this area.
And as far as the question of which style of power this position will invite me to expand, masculine or feminine, I think both. And it is, of course, also somewhat edifying that I am a woman in a leadership role, although, in the healthcare field that I work in, that is more the norm than not, at least here in Norway.
Before I go on, I suppose I should touch on what is considered the difference between masculine and feminine power, to give a clearer understanding of the two. This is paraphrased from a google search on the topic:
Masculine power is about action and structure. It is associated with logical thinking, goal achievement, protection and problem-solving. Clear boundaries, providing stability and linear, direct methods of leadership are hallmark traits of this style. A distorted expression may result in rigidity, emotional suppression and dominance/control.
Feminine power is about flow and intuition. It is associated with creativity, receptivity, feeling and being (as opposed to doing). Intuition, non-linear thinking, emotional intelligence and empathy are attributes of this style. Distortions may appear as passivity, manipulation, martyrdom and emotional instability.
It is inevitable that we will experience some of the distortions of both these power traits as we begin to step into our power more and more, both in ourselves and others. We all need to balance and clear out distorted energies in this area, so don’t feel disheartened if you are not able to express these styles of power in a balanced way right away. I’ve already made several mistakes on my own journey (something that inevitably triggers my perfectionist self to no end), but it is to be expected and helps me stay grounded and humble (which is particularly important as you work on power, I believe).
Returning to the topic of Venus in Scorpio, however, another important area it touches is that of relationships and intimacy, which is, on the twin flame journey in particular, an area that can get challenged quite a bit. I’ve been continually challenged with this throughout my own journey, and I have come to understand that here, too, it’s about taking back my power. Within this area in particular, I’ve had a tendency to be a bit naive and “fawn-like” in many of my interactions. With “fawn-like”, I basically mean people-pleasing in a sense, and it comes from a relatively new (at least to me) stress-response style, that comes in addition to the other stress responses of flight, fight and freeze.
It took a while for me to realize that I have this response style, and was made particularly clear to me a few years back, when I was dating a guy who I felt a strong connection to in some ways (I believe it was heavily karmic). At some point in the interaction, and the question of intimacy came up, I all of a sudden became conscious of the fact that a part of me felt I had to be intimate with him, for him to like me, want to be with me etc. (the why’s weren’t all that clear, actually, it was more a feeling, or compulsion, that came from within). It was a feeling of his needs being all that was important, and what I wanted wasn’t even something to be considered, apparently, in my own mind.
Since then, I’ve worked quite a bit on this issue, and have gotten a lot better at setting boundaries, and feeling into what I want when it comes to intimacy, not just giving into what the other person wants. This has, of course, become apparent in many other areas of my life also, and with other people, not just romantic interests. Little by little I have worked on taking back my power. This has resulted in me saying ‘no’ a lot more than I’ve said ‘yes’ in recent years, but I believe it has been important for me to go through this, and I’m getting more and more comfortable saying ‘no’. In the beginning, it was incredibly difficult and triggered so much fear in me. It’s a bit crazy in many ways, that it should be so difficult to say no, but I know I’m not alone in experiencing this. It is an important realization, however, when you experience saying no, and your world doesn’t fall apart as a result. And so empowering when you can say no without the fear and guilt that you inevitably feel in the beginning.
I expect there will be more to work through as Venus continues her retrograde journey in Scorpio, and later on in Libra, and although not always comfortable, I’m ready to tackle whatever she throws my way (I suppose I don’t have much choice anyway… 😅).
I wish you all the best on your own Venus retrograde journey, and trust you will find the feminine power and self-love that she will grant, once you do the work.
With that, I sign off for today, and send you, as always, much love and light!
