We’re in the midst of a very busy week in the astrological heavens as I write this post, and I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely feeling it! I think the energies have been intense for me since the solstice, really, or perhaps even before that. Easter, perhaps? I can’t even keep track anymore… 😅 I keep waiting for things to slow down, yet they just seem to keep intensifying.
This week started off with a new moon in Cancer, and a lunar node shift the same day, where they moved into the Aries/Libra axis, and towards the end of the week the sun moves into Leo, and Venus goes retrograde on the same day, with Chiron following suit the next. I’m not an astrologer, so I won’t go into what this all means in detail, yet I often find it helpful and interesting for my own healing journey to look at what goes on in the heavens and see how it may connect to themes that come up for me in my own process. This time the themes of independence, co-dependence and interdependence seem to be the ones making themselves known to me, which is very timely with the shift into the Aries (independence)/Libra (relationships) node points and Venus going retrograde where relationship patterns, money and the like may all get an overhaul.
So these days, I find myself quite sensitive and emotional once again, and I’ve had quite a bit of trouble sleeping on and off the last couple of weeks, more than usual, so I’m definitely working through some stuff. A lot of it just feels like old grief, not connected with anyone or anything in particular, although I do seem to be thinking and going over things relating to my twin flame again, too, more than usual, so I suppose some of it is connected to him and things that he has brought to my attention throughout our journey that I need to heal. So although a part of me feels like I should stop thinking about him and just let it all go, there are actually still some new aspects that are brought to my attention, so in that sense there is a positive purpose to it all, not just a rehashing of old wounds.
Last night I had a dream that seemed pretty innocent and insignificant on the surface, but when I woke up this morning and started going over it, I reacted quite emotionally, so apparently there were some deeper messages there… I dreamt that I met a guy that I seemed to connect with quite quickly to the point that I felt I wanted to be with him. This guy is not someone I know in real life, someone completely new, and he was from the US. I guess he was visiting Norway with a small group of people to try to get some business venture going, recruit people to it, I suppose, and I went to a meeting that they had put on. We really hit it off, seemed to have a lot in common and quickly got quite engrossed in conversation with each other.
I felt that we both really liked each other, and apparently he was also a creative type, directing movies and documentaries and the like, and I remember thinking in the back of my mind that maybe he could direct my music videos etc. and I felt like I could move back to the US with him if that topic came up. So I seemed to get ideas about this guy pretty quickly, but then he was getting ready to leave and yet he didn’t say anything to me about us and wanting to move things further. I found this a bit surprising, because he definitely seemed to feel the same as me, but I didn’t feel like I should be making the first move myself. Yet it felt like things were easy with this guy, and being with him would be easy, that we potentially complemented each other, and he could take charge of things, which felt like a relief. It wouldn’t be an uphill battle, like things have often felt with my twin, as well as my previous relationships at times.
With my twin I suppose there have always been all these obstacles in the way of us being together, and I guess that was one of the reasons why I started crying when I woke up, because I feel tired of things feeling so difficult all the time. I know that’s my wounded self talking and isn’t necessarily true, but there have definitely been obstacles and triggers with my twin, in the form of old wounds that we both need to heal and clear. With this guy in the dream it felt like things would just be easy, and that felt so tempting to me. He would help me with my career, and I didn’t have to do everything on my own anymore. I felt I deserved and was ready for that, after everything I’ve been through. I felt tired of having to do everything on my own, and looked forward to someone else taking the reigns. Yet he held back for some reason…
As I woke up from the dream I began reflecting on my two failed marriages, and it came to my attention that in both relationships, I had to be the one taking control of things, especially the finances. With the first marriage it was because my husband was just hopeless with money. Although he did work and bring money in, he was terrible with paying his bills on time and just being on top of his finances. I just couldn’t live like that, so I helped him straighten things out so that everything got paid on time, but still we were very different in how we viewed and operated around money and life in general. With my second husband I took on the responsibility as the main breadwinner and although in some ways I didn’t mind being in control like that, I also felt like we didn’t really work together towards a common goal.
In both my marriages we never felt like a team, and I think I just took it upon myself to take control of the money situation, yet I felt very lonely, like I was the only one making an effort for our combined future. I realized that in some ways I have continued to feel a kind of pressure of having to do that with my twin, too, perhaps not with money specifically, but in general, as though I am the responsible one, and have to pick up the slack. There is definitely some truth to that with my twin, as he has for sure acted like he just wanted to enjoy life and not give a shit about the consequences, yet I will say that there have been some shifts in him too, since we met, where he has taken steps to be more responsible. My dream made me realize that I am done putting up with that. In any future relationship, whether it is with my twin or someone else, we have got to both work as a team and take equal responsibility within the relationship to create something beautiful together.
So I suppose this is what the dream was trying to show me. I have both been too independent, as well as co-dependent in my previous marriages, where the need to be loved overshadowed the glaring issues I put up with in both relationships, until it didn’t work anymore. Although I have gone over my marriages and events with my twin many times, I haven’t quite been able to see this connection before, the way the dream showed me. Of course, I also don’t want a relationship where the other person does all the heavy lifting either, which I think is why the guy in the dream held back. It feels good to be able to see this clearly, and to be able to set some boundaries in place for this going forward. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get some good rest tonight, with this falling into place, and maybe I can get some respite from the inner work for a day or two, before the next round kicks in. 😅
I could write a lot more on this topic, but this post is already getting way long, so I will leave it at that for now. I hope you are able to work through your own stuff that inevitably gets triggered in these intense energies, and get the clarity and healing that you need and deserve. 💕
As always, I send you much love & light!
Divine Love Alchemy 