Right now, as I’m writing this new blog post, I’m in beautiful Bali, taking a break from the snow and cold winter back home in Norway. Of course, I chose to go at this particular time, too, since I knew it would be a particularly intense time, energetically, and so I thought it might be good to take some time off work to just relax and be able to sit with whatever would undoubtedly come up. And Bali has revealed itself to be the perfect destination for many reasons, but I’ll get back to that later in the blog (besides the obvious reasons of course, of it being a tropical island, with lots of sun, beach and relaxation).
Late last night (local time) was the long anticipated conjunction of Saturn and Neptune at 0 degrees Aries, and earlier in the week we had an annular solar eclipse in Aquarius that kicked off the lunar new year and Pisces season. These are all very strong astrological events, that are transforming and providing deep shifts both collectively and on a personal level. I know myself well enough by now to anticipate the need for introspection and rest during these times of powerful energetic shifts, as my process always tends to bring up stuff during these times. I’ve learnt that it’s important to give myself the time and space to be able to do so, so that I can go deep if need be, and hopefully be able to bring up and clear out aspects of my wounding that I may not have seen clearly before. As usual, the “season” didn’t disappoint, and brought up some particularly deep-seated stuff this time, perhaps some of the deepest wounding I have uncovered to date, actually.
It began just before traveling to Bali, when a family member shared a couple of videos with me from Elizabeth April, and one of them especially really struck me (it is this one here, if you’re wondering). It is primarily about ritual abuse, and how many of us so-called starseeds, or old souls, have been exposed to that in past lives. The video talks about symptoms or signs that this may have happened to you in past lives, and I literally have all of them. Yet when I first saw the video and listened to what she said, I just found it curious, but it didn’t really hit me until I woke up the in the middle of the following night, that I realized: “oh my god, this really happened to me”.
I didn’t really have time to sit with this too much right away though, as I had a couple of work shifts, and then I had to get ready for my trip. Plus the first few days while I was here in Bali, I just needed to acclimate and unwind, and perhaps just be emotionally prepared, too, until I felt ready. But finally I felt set to tackle it. Although I had this inner knowing that this was the truth, just from the feeling that lingered when I woke up that night when I had the realization, I still needed to go a little deeper into it, and I felt that an inner child healing was the way to go (Elizabeth also recommends this in the video, and it resonated with me). It was interesting though, all the synchronicity that I experienced around the whole healing event, which made me feel like it was the “right thing to do”, even if I was a little apprehensive and nervous beforehand.
I have read and seen videos of people talking about the topic of ritual abuse, so I suppose I had a general idea already of what goes down in these situations, although I’m sure there are as many unique experiences as there are people. I didn’t really know if I wanted to know the specifics of my own experiences, and still don’t. I don’t find that this is always necessary either, for healing to occur, in some cases it just may serve to re-traumatize you, which isn’t what you want, of course. Generally speaking, it’s torture, sexual, mental and physical to a point that… well, you can imagine… enough said. I don’t want to go into details, there are plenty of videos and books about that for those who want to dive deeper, however that’s not really the focus or the point of this post.
Before I did the actual inner child healing, I did some light journaling around the whole topic, which helped me to reflect a little bit more around my own patterns, and how these past experiences may have affected me. This helped me see how much my behaviors in life, my visibility issues and fears around speaking up and not feeling good enough just being my authentic self all really come down to this wounding. It really felt like some pieces of the puzzle fell into place within me, as I’ve been searching and circling this wound for a long time, yet I think a part of me was afraid to go into it. I even think the fact that I put on some weight last year, was a sort of protection mechanism and a result of this wound beginning to be exposed, even if I couldn’t fully see it yet.
Anyway, after my journaling, I felt ready to do the actual inner child healing, although I hadn’t really thought too much about how in advance. But I got out a crystal that I happened to have with me, an amethyst heart, and I placed it on my own heart center as I lay down on my hotel bed. I found the perfect inner child healing meditation on YouTube, it was just one of the first ones that popped up in my feed when I did a search, but it was the perfect length, the woman who guided it had a great, soothing voice, and just the perfect pacing throughout the video (it was this one here, if you’re curious). Almost immediately as I lay down, I began crying, and cried throughout most of the video, but I had a beautiful interaction with my inner child, saw some bits and pieces of stuff that may have happened to me, but mostly it was all about holding space for my inner child and holding and loving it throughout the process.
Something funny happened just as the meditation ended. I had a matcha a bit earlier before I came back to the hotel room to do the healing, and since I don’t drink or intake caffeine too much, I tend to sometimes react to it, even in small doses. It was like that reaction kicked in right at the perfect moment, and made my skin buzz and sweat all over, as if my whole body was clearing out all the toxicity of my ritual abuse experiences. Throughout the meditation I also felt very held by the Bali energy, which is very feminine and sweet, in my experience, so as I alluded to earlier, Bali was the perfect place to be in order to work with this wound. As I was done, I felt like a weight had lifted, and I had some water, cashew nuts and fruit, just to ground and land back in my body again.
The healing was quite powerful, and I feel I am still integrating in many ways. I’m think that I may try to do this meditation once or twice again in the coming weeks, as I feel that connecting with my inner child around this, or just in general, will be healing for me on many levels. As we’re still in the eclipse portal, and in a general energetic portal that lasts up until the March equinox, I think I will be using that entire period to focus on my own healing and clearing of this wound, and my general inner child wounding. The Pisces season that we just entered I feel is perfect for that, as it lends a beautiful, loving energy and backdrop to it all, helping to clear out any lingering stuff, before the astrological new year kicks off with the March equinox.
With that, I wish you a beautiful and inspiring Chinese new year, and hope you take good care of yourself in these powerful, energetic times.
Send you, as always, much love & light!
Divine Love Alchemy 