So a new year is upon us, and I don’t know about you, but I’m certainly feeling a new energy coming in. The holiday season was lovely, and I got to spend some quality time with family. I even reconnected with a long lost relative, which was pretty cool, and got me to reminisce and reconnect with my childhood self and a part of me I hadn’t really thought about in a long time. This person, my mother’s aunt, is a pretty cool lady who always kind of went her own way in life, and I have to say is somewhat of an inspiration to me, both as a child and now. But more on that later…
Last year was a year that I mostly spent in the void so to speak, laying foundations for what’s to come, for my mission and clearing out energetic obstacles to that. I only wrote two blog posts the entire year, as I suppose I needed to mostly sit with things on my own. I journaled a lot, though, which really helped me gain clarity on a lot of issues that came up along the way. But there was also a lot of confusion and back and forth, which may have been a reflection of the Neptune and Saturn transits in and out of Pisces/Aries throughout the year. I was also in a Saturn square to my sun for large parts of the year, which challenged me to look at and confront fears and dysfunctions I have around visibility and embracing who I truly am.
I suppose we’re not quite out of the woods yet, as Neptune doesn’t move into Aries until January 26 and Saturn following on February 13. Yet when the new year rolled around, and especially with the full moon in Cancer (my own moon is in Cancer, so I was bound to feel that one), I felt a clear shift. I heeded my soul’s calling for some me-time and self-nurturing, which I’ve been doing fully this weekend. As a result I feel like I can really see myself more clearly, who I am and that which is important to me. I suppose that is a culmination of the work I’ve been doing on myself the whole of last year (and further back, too), and now I’m really committed to staying true to who I am becoming (or truly am, deep down). There are still some things to work through, but I can, at least to some extent, see where I’m going now.
As the last year was spent slowly aligning with my true Self and balancing my masculine and feminine energies (more so the former than the latter, perhaps), I felt I needed to do things just for me. More or less my whole life I have let other people dictate how to live my life. I have been a follower and more or less done what others wanted, not really even taking the time to feel into what I wanted. I guess I at some point early on in life put my own needs aside and nurtured my relationships through putting their needs ahead of my own. My wounded self gained some semblance of control that way, I think, and some predictability in an otherwise uncertain existence. It was a way to hang on to people and feel needed and loved in a way, yet I suppose I never really gave people the chance to love me and choose me for who I truly am, since I became who they wanted or needed me to be.
As this started to become more and more clear to me in recent years, through this deep process and journey I’m on, I felt the need to pull away from certain relationships and ways of living that started to feel less and less aligned with who I am becoming. So this past year was spent focusing on what I wanted to bring into my life, and to do things just for me, which included journaling just for myself, not writing knowing other people would read what I wrote. I also traveled more, as that is something I have always enjoyed, expanding my horizons through discovering new places. And I also went within, digging deeper and discovering new (and old) parts of myself, perhaps especially through astrology, which is a tool I have used with increasing frequency and depth.
Although taking these steps have by no means been comfortable, they have been necessary, and now that I can stop and take stock of this past year, I can see how all of it served a purpose to take me to the next level on my journey. Perhaps especially my job has served as a big mirror this past year, helping me to see and confront my inner fears around visibility and stepping up. In fact, I feel it has helped me to balance my inner masculine, stepping into leadership, giving structure and security in a way that I have only come to see in time. It has also helped me to be more present, as I’ve had a tendency my whole life to daydream and wanting to escape reality (Neptune and 12th house being prominent in my chart), instead of dealing with what is right in front of me. Especially if I had resistance to what was there, which I did have when it came to my job for the longest time. This past year that shifted though, and although it wasn’t comfortable, I feel I’ve grown a lot as a result.
I still feel there’s more to work through when it comes to that though, so I suppose that will continue into this year too, yet I also feel ready to explore and focus on other parts of me this year, my feminine side, if you will. I want to get back to being more creative again, by writing more, perhaps work on some music in time, and also dive into spiritual pursuits, whatever that entails. It’s not all clear to me yet, but I do feel drawn to express myself in creative ways, which I have really missed. I understand that I needed to focus on structure and my masculine self this past year, but now I feel it’s time to bring in some femininity again, whatever that will look like, and to dare to be more of myself than ever before.
I don’t think it was an accident that I reconnected with my mother’s aunt at the beginning of this year, as that really served as an inspiration to me when it comes to following my heart and taking chances. I hope and trust it will set the tone for this year for me, being a guiding light to embrace and bring out more of my true self, with love and care.
With that, I wish you a very happy and prosperous new year, and hope that you also can align more with your true self and your mission in life in this year to come.
Sending much love & light, as always…
Divine Love Alchemy 