Again, it has been quite a while since I wrote a blog post. For a while now I’ve been experiencing energetic clearings and subtle shifts happening in the background, but there hasn’t been any major breakthroughs or a-ha moments until recently. So I didn’t feel like I had all that much to share, really, although I have been journaling a lot, feeling the need to just write for myself primarily. That ties in with the general focus on self-love on the ascension journey, and in recent months, perhaps the past year really, I’ve been working on shifting the focus away from people pleasing and sacrificing myself for others, to choosing myself and doing things that make me feel good.
These new self-love habits have shown up in various small ways in my life. And it’s not like I haven’t focused on self-love for many years, but as we evolve and go through the layers of healing and clearing dysfunctional habits, after a while we drill down into the smaller stuff, that may have seemed unimportant before. It’s like for the first few years I was introduced to the broader issues I was personally dealing with, such as abandonment issues, jealousy, body image, visibility issues and the like. But as I’ve been clearing out a lot of the heavier energies that have been stuck in my subconscious and my energetic field, I’ve now in recent months been working on making small shifts in what I choose to give my energies too, in a way I haven’t done before.
I may have felt that there have been issues there, but I didn’t really stop to consider them and decide to make changes until now. These have been things like ceasing to go out on the weekends (for the most part), traveling more, stepping into more leadership opportunities at work and making subtle shifts in my diet and drinking habits. The latter one is something I’m particularly focused on at the moment, perhaps inspired by the fact that we’re in Virgo season. Cleaning up my eating habits and committing even more to my exercise and yoga routines feels like a good step towards better health and more vitality, and an important act of self love for me right now.
Especially traveling is something I’ve been able to do more of this past year or so, and I’m really excited about that. It’s not like I haven’t had the opportunity to do that before (although Covid put a stopper to it for a period of time), but now I’m actually taking the steps to make it happen, instead of just procrastinating and making up excuses, like I did before. I think it was mostly fear that stopped me, fear of spending a lot of money, fear of both traveling alone and with other people, and probably even fears that I couldn’t quite articulate. Yet in recent months I decided to not let those fears stop me, and I feel I have overcome a lot in the process. This has resulted in me traveling to Paris, France and Greece the last couple of years, and this year I’ve made trips to Istanbul and Ibiza, Spain so far, and will be going to Rome, Italy in October.
I’ve traveled both alone for the first time, and also with others, and it has been both a little bit challenging, but also rewarding. Finally, I’m slowly taking steps to accomplish my dreams instead of waiting for others to bring them to me (such as my twin flame…). I’ve been realizing that I actually need to make these things happen for myself. In a way that is also an act of self love. Prioritizing myself and my own dreams step by step, instead of just thinking and talking about all the stuff I want to experience and accomplish “some day”, but not taking the final steps to do so. It’s like bringing my dreams into the present, and living them here and now, not in the future.
This also has a bearing on my work, as I’ve been stepping up to more leadership opportunities there this past year. That has triggered some deep seated fears and wounds around visibility and impostor syndrome, and hasn’t at all been comfortable at times, yet it has felt important to me to do so, for my own healing and growth. It feels like an important step in reaching inner union also, which is a major goal for me in my journey. I’ve noticed as times passes, and I’ve confronted some of my fears in this area of life, that it has become easier and more enjoyable to be in a leadership role, and I have gradually felt ready to tackle more and more responsibility at work. I got a promotion earlier in the year, and over the summer I’ve been easing into this new role. And now as fall rolls around I’m ready to take on even more, and actually feel quite excited about that (who would have thought that even just a year or two ago!).
When it comes to my twin flame, though, I did have an interaction with him back in March, where we talked about meeting and then it fell through again (this is becoming somewhat of a pattern it seems, hehe). But I felt okay with it, and not really triggered by it this time. Yet it took me about 5 months to realize my own mistakes in that interaction, which goes to show how stubborn our ego can be sometimes when it comes to our patterns. I realized I kind of betrayed myself and my own wishes once again (a part of my people pleasing tendencies that I’ve had a habit of taking a little too far when it comes to my romantic connections, and especially the ones of a twin flame nature). Probably I did so because I subconsciously thought it would be a greater chance of the meeting actually happening if I didn’t make certain things clear (such as me not wanting to have s*x) and agreeing to meet at his place even though I’ve repeatedly told him in the past that I don’t want to meet that way the first time. In the end the meeting didn’t happen anyway, so I guess it all backfired. 😅
There’s more to the story, of course, but I’m not going to go into all the details as that would make for way too long of a post. I’m sure I’ll have the chance at some point to rectify my mistakes, though, but for now there appears to still be more work to do as far as being completely committed and true to my Self (meaning my higher self and not my ego), my mission and realizing my potential in this lifetime. With that I sign off for today, and until next time…
Sending you much love & light,
Divine Love Alchemy 