It has been over a month since I last wrote a blog post, which is a bit longer than usual for me, but I feel like so much has been going on and there didn’t seem to be much respite to take some time out to write. I’m not sure if I have that even now, but after I a bit of back and forth, I’ve decided to nevertheless sit down and share some thoughts and experiences that have come up for me of late. I wanted to see if I might be able to ground and integrate more of what has been coming up for me before I wrote about it, but I’m not sure if that will even come anytime soon, so I may as well just share a little about where I’m at right now.
My process just keeps speeding up these days, it seems, and ever since I went back to work at the end of July, so much has been happening to challenge me and help me step more into my power, which is a good thing, of course, but it has been a wee bit intense at times. Although I feel the anxiety that I felt in the beginning of this period has begun to abate somewhat, I still sense that there is more to clear and more that needs to fall into place before I can get a breather. I’ve booked a week-long holiday towards the end of October in the Greek Islands, so maybe by then things will have calmed down somewhat. I can only hope…
In the meantime, and as of the day of writing this post, Eclipse season is upon us, with the super full moon lunar eclipse in Pisces happening tonight, and I’ve been getting the feels over the last couple of days. Some things have gone down with my twin flame of late, where I was rejected again, I suppose, (at least it could be interpreted that way, although I suppose it could also be interpreted that I rejected him, as things don’t seem to be as clear cut this time around). I think some of what has come up in recent days is related to that, although the sadness and wounding that is being cleared seems a lot milder than during previous times. In fact, I reacted to what happened mostly by laughing, and wasn’t even all that upset by it. I felt a tiny bit of disappointment, perhaps, but that was it, really.
Ever since things began with this new twin flame back in January this year, I feel like I have been tested in many ways. Many of the things that happened with the previous TF has happened again, with some twists and differences, yet my reactions to it all have been quite different. Yes, I was a little bit pulled in and triggered by some things that happened, and I also chased a tiny bit at the earlier stages, but now I don’t really feel any urge to do that at all. And when the rejection came a couple of weeks ago, I could honestly smile at the occurrence, which I have never been able to do before. Compared to what went down a few years ago when the previous TF rejected me, when I went into a complete meltdown and crisis mode, this really feels like a huge milestone for me.
A big part of my lessons on this journey (and I suppose I’m not alone in this) has been to learn to stand up for myself and what I really want, and not give in to what my counterpart wants at the cost of my own integrity. Of course, this tendency isn’t just related to my counterpart, but generally in life too, with other people and circumstances, yet it has been more difficult to say no to my counterpart because of the feelings involved. I have been tested before, and failed miserably, but this time I actually managed to not back down but stay strong in my conviction, even if I risked rejection, and that felt like a huge milestone and very empowering. And even when the rejection came, I (mostly) was okay with that, too. I feel this was a big lesson in self love, too, where I for once didn’t put other people’s needs and wishes above my own.
Having said that, I don’t necessarily feel that the tests are done though, as I feel there is more that I need to clear, and more empowerment to be had, before I can feel solid. Underneath it all, I know there is still some anxiety about the future, which isn’t all related to my twin flame, but also around my mission and the way forward there. I feel pretty clear about what I want to do going forward, finding a new job within the psychiatric field, and in time open up a home to support those who struggle with mental illness, that includes yoga, meditation, food and the like, but how to get there is still a little bit diffuse. I suppose I can only take it one step at a time, and trust that if it is meant to be, I will be guided. As usual, though, it isn’t quite happening fast enough for my liking, and I still feel that I’m not quite done at my current job, although part of me is raring to get out of there and get on with it.
But I feel I need to clear away some more anxiety before I’m ready, so I’ll just have to keep working on that, and go through the motions. Everything that is happening these days, I feel, both at work and elsewhere, is helping me with that, and helping me to step more into my power, so I’ll have to just keep on keeping on, one step at a time. Here’s to hoping this eclipse may help me take some major steps in that direction, at least, that is the intention I’m putting out there, so let’s see how far I can get in that period of time.
With that, I wish you a beautiful and empowering eclipse season, and I hope that it can be a major stepping stone to your brighter future, as I hope it will be for me!
As always, I send you much love & light,
Divine Love Alchemy 