Finally I have a moment (and the energy) to write again, after a 3-week hiatus, that has been quite intense, yet fruitful at the same time. Ever since the day before I went back to work (about 4 weeks ago) the energies have been heightened, with lots of solar activity (some x-class flares apparently), and the Lion’s gate portal. I’ve been feeling it all big time, although I think a lot of what I’ve been feeling is also due to where I’m at in my process. It’s all intertwined, I suppose, and being back at work has certainly played a major part in it all.
Now that I’ve been back for a few shifts, and continued to be in a supervisory role at least for much of my time back, the fog has lifted a bit and I’m beginning to see a little bit more clearly, my way going forward. I’ve expressed interest in continuing to take on a supervisory role and it seems I will be doing so together with a co-worker on most of my shifts. My co-worker was happy to share the role with me, and management has been positive towards it, too, plus I’ve received some good feedback on my work so far, so that feels good. Just because I want to step up at work, doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m committed to staying there, though, as I’ve actually come to the conclusion that I’m going to start looking around for something else. The stepping up has more to do with my process and mission, yet I do care about doing a good job and taking care of those that we’re charged with taking care of, too, of course.
I’ve been aware of for some time, that I have a bit of an impostor syndrome, and I’m beginning to realize that this wound has caused me to feel some dread about going to work and it has certainly held me back from becoming more visible in my work (both my regular job as well as my spiritual work) and stepping into leadership positions. I’ve come to understand that this syndrome comes from past lives where I’ve either messed up or been accused of doing things that have resulted in my losing my work or position of power. So as I was going back to work and asked to step into this supervisory role, a lot of anxiety came up related to this wound. So much so, that it felt like I could barely get through, but I did, and thankfully it eased up as I faced my fears and did it. I felt it was important to not back down, as stepping up like this feels like an important step in gaining some confidence and strength back, and stepping into my power more.
So much anxiety has been ebbing and flowing in recent week, more intensely than ever it seems, it almost seems never ending, but I suppose there are lifetimes of stuff to be cleared, so it’s understandable. And there is still more, so I feel that continuing in this supervisory role will be helpful in clearing more of it out, and help me step more into my power and mission. My mission requires me to be a leader of sorts, so I may as well just embrace it and get comfortable, as much as I can, to become visible and take charge, trusting that I have what it takes to carry me through, and get me on the right trajectory. And I also think it will be helpful in landing me a better job, more in alignment with my mission, so I may as well do what I can here and now, where I’m at, so that it will become easier to take on more expanded roles in the future, and work in more of the other stuff that I’m passionate about into my work, such as yoga and sound healing, nutrition and the like.
Speaking of nutrition, I’ve actually done something rather major of late. At least, to me, it feels major. I’ve been a vegetarian for almost 13 years, but lately my process has been making me feel so tired and drained that I felt I needed to take some steps to deal with it. What I’ve already mentioned about conquering my impostor syndrome and stepping up has helped and will continue to help, of course, but last week I got the intuition that I needed to do something nutritionally, as well. As I’ve felt “tired to the bone” so to speak, I got the intuition to start incorporating some bone broth into my diet. Being a vegetarian, it’s something I’ve never tried before, but have heard about as being strengthening and good for many things. I also know several vegans and vegetarians who have changed their diet and added some meat, due to the intensity of the ascension process. It’s possible that I may end up doing the same, but for now I’m trying the bone broth (from organic and grass fed beef bones), and it feels good so far.
In the midst of all this, my twin flame also popped up again, which added another element to the fear I’ve been feeling. The fear around seeing him is more centered around being hurt and the like, and I’ve been able to clear out a lot of that fear, too, as a result of seeing him. Despite the fear, I’ve actually felt a lot more relaxed around him now, and have been able to joke around with him and stuff, the way we used to before the whole romantic side of things began. So that’s been good. It seems like everything kind of happened all at once, with work and the twin flame situation challenging me and healing me at the same time. It has been a bit overwhelming at times, and I suppose I’m not fully out of it yet, but I feel that things are easing up and falling more into place, and I’m calmer now, and a little less tired than I was at one point.
As far as my mission goes, as that is my main focus at the moment, I feel I want to move more into the psychiatric field, still as a care worker, but hopefully also be able to use the tools of yoga, sound healing and nutrition more, as well as my extensive understanding of trauma and childhood/past life wounds and how they affect our behavior and psyche, having gone through (and still working through) such an extensive healing process myself. Maybe I’d even like to run my own home one day, but for now I want to see if I can find a job within the field of psychiatry, as far as care work goes. So we’ll see what comes of all of that, but exciting (and still intense) times are ahead, I’m sure, with the eclipse season coming up and all that is happening in my life right now. I’m still a bit anxious about it, but I’ll just have to try to stay calm and trust, that all will be well and that Spirit will guide me and take care of me, as they always have.
With that, I wrap up today’s post. I hope you’re able to trust your own guidance and take care of yourself in these intense times, and if you’re in a similar place like me right now, know that Spirit will never give you anything you can’t handle (that is something I comfort myself with, as well, when things tend to get a bit hairy). As always, I send you much love & light!
Divine Love Alchemy 