So it’s time to blog again, and I’m sitting here at the library looking at the view of the harbor and the people below. It’s a beautiful, warm and sunny day here in Oslo, but right now I am enjoying being inside and sitting in an air conditioned space. I’ve been to the beach twice this week already, so I don’t feel too guilty spending some time inside. Anyway, I’ll go outside in a bit, when I’m done writing, enjoy the sun and soak up some vitamin D.
Last week we had the summer solstice, a full moon in Capricorn and Cancer season began. I have to admit I was feeling the energies quite strongly, especially the 3 days around the solstice, and I could feel the energies working in my body and energy field. Saturday ended up being a very emotional day, where some old stuff came up to be cleared and I was triggered quite strongly around some things that have been going on lately. I noticed my wound opens up again when I get triggered like that and I have a tendency to go into a victim mentality when that happens. Thankfully it was short lived, and a good cry and a call to a good friend helped me get it out of my system.
I still felt a bit emotional on Monday, too, but now it seems that things have settled down more. I also feel that most of the stuff that came up around my sick leave has healed up, although there is still more to delve into once I get back to work, but I’ll deal with that when the time comes. That is still a few weeks away, though, and for now I’m enjoying some vacation time, and looking forward to a trip to Paris next week. It will be exciting to experience the city of Paris again. I’ve been there once before, but only for a few hours, so this time there will be more time to explore and enjoy what the city has to offer. I’m a bit apprehensive about the trip, too, though, I have to admit, as we’ll be 2 kids and 4 adults living in an apartment together and I seem to get more and more sensitive being around other people for extended periods of time, especially sleeping close to others. But it’s just for 6 days, so fingers crossed it will be okay. Will load up on some melatonin, which I don’t like to take too much, but in times of need one has to do what one has to do, I suppose.
I don’t know if the season of the crab is making me more sensitive, but I remember last year around this time, I was experiencing the feels quite a lot, and needing alone time, so perhaps that is what is causing my apprehension. But of course, my ascension and twin flame process is also still ongoing and affecting me on many levels, so it’s that too. With the new twin flame appearing on the scene, I’ve been tested once again, and although certain aspects have been better this time around, there are also things that are the same and so I realize that I haven’t gotten quite as far as I would like. I guess I’ve attracted a better caliber man this time in some ways, yet the push and pull dynamic is still there (or running and chasing, as it’s also called).
It feels painful to be ghosted once again, so there are still things I need to heal there, I guess, and there are still aspects of the connection that feels a bit superficial like the last one (more focus on physical attraction and s3x than a serious relationship), but I suppose that is showing me more clearly what I want (or don’t want), too. Nothing physical has happened this time though, so that’s a good thing. I’ve been able to say no to that, since I haven’t felt ready and I also feel that it’s healthy to not rush those things, so that is progress for sure. But turning the mirror back on myself I’ve had to admit that maybe I’ve also been superficial and preoccupied with s3x to some degree for large parts of my journey (or perhaps it’s more about romantic fantasies), and need to get more serious about what I want in life and take steps to get there.
I suppose that’s where my inner masculine comes in, or my animus, as the renowned psychotherapist, C. G. Jung would refer to it. I read an article from another twin flame blogger recently about balancing the inner masculine and feminine on the twin flame journey. This is one of the big goals on this journey, and leads to inner union (which is the precursor to outer union). I’ve known this for a while now, and can say that I’m actually more concerned about reaching inner union than outer these days, which is a step in the right direction, but I also tend to get really down on myself and frustrated when I get triggered and realize that I still have ways to go before I’m there. What got to me about the article though, was how the inner masculine is also there to hold space for the inner wounded feminine, and to be patient and loving when the inner feminine is hurting.
So instead of being so hard on myself whenever I feel like I take 2 steps back on my journey, stepping into the inner masculine and hold space for myself with loving patience, may perhaps be an important step in my healing process at this point. I have to be able to step up my own inner masculine before I can expect that to happen in the outer reality (that is, before I experience that with my TF or significant other). I think that is what my wounded self needs right now, and it was an important lesson (or reminder). It’s also about protecting myself, setting boundaries and doing what feels right for me at any given point without feeling guilty or selfish, or even just uncomfortable doing so. That is something that keeps creeping up on my journey in various forms, with friends, at work and other places, but I do see progress there too, so that’s good.
So nurturing myself by activating my inner protector, or animus, may be just right for this Cancer season (and beyond) and will be my focus for the time being. I invite you to also think about how you can activate your inner masculine and step into more of the good qualities that our animus gives us.
With that, I wish you a beautiful day and season, and as always, send you much love & light!
Divine Love Alchemy 