Another Friday is here, and although I’m more or less well from my cold or flu that I had when last writing, I again find myself on sick leave. I guess I hit the wall a little bit. I’ve been pushing myself a little too hard, apparently, thinking I’m able to do more than I actually am, and so here we are again. It’s not the first time I’ve done that, as I’ve tended to try and bite off more than I can chew from time to time in life, wanting for various reasons to prove something to myself or others perhaps, and then gotten burnt out. It’s not a serious burnout this time, I feel, but still my body (and mind) said stop, and I’ve had to take a step back and try to listen to what my body and mind really need.
So now I’m back at the library, in my favorite spot overlooking the harbor, as I reflect on these needs and wants, realizing that I need to make some changes in my life and work situation. At first, I felt like I had to quit my job and find something else, as I didn’t feel it was working and I’ve also had some frustrations about certain things there that I feel really need to change (I wrote about that in my last blog post, too), but now I’m thinking there may still be hope. Although, if I’m going to continue there needs to be some changes, so I guess I’ll talk to my boss about that once the dust settles a little bit, and hopefully we can find some solutions.
For now though, I still need some more time to rest a bit and recharge, and work through some of the stuff that was triggered in the wake of all this. I feel like I’ve had a bit of a soul shock actually, as I really didn’t see this coming. Now looking back a the past few weeks, I think that maybe I should have, but I really didn’t. Many things related to this job has changed for the better in recent months, although I suppose that is mostly my own feelings and attitude towards it, not so much the job itself (except for a recent shift schedule, which isn’t necessarily all good, but that’s another story). Nevertheless, overall I felt better about the job and my role there, and so that I all of a sudden should hit the wall and have to go on sick leave came as a bit of a surprise.
As I also wrote in my last blog post, though, my soul purpose and mission has been front and center lately, and although I’ve felt for years that I wanted to get my own business going around spiritual and ascension coaching, recently I released that idea a little bit, thinking that perhaps my mission was more where I was at, with this job. Although I don’t necessarily think that it was wrong to think that, as I think mission is about being yourself authentically, and also making an impact where you find yourself, I realize now that I feel I do have a bigger soul purpose in helping people on an ascension (and perhaps twin flame) journey. My heart beats for this more than anything else, and I have to follow my heart. So I think that is why I hit the wall a bit too, as it was Spirit’s way of saying that I was going in the wrong direction somewhat, and I had to do a little soul searching to reset my priorities.
I guess I also have to realize that although I may have the best of intentions, I’m not superhuman and can’t do everything all at once. So I have to rebalance my focus, and probably scale back my hours at this job (if possible), in order to focus more on building my business. My heart also beats for the clients I work with at my job, too, though, so if I can help in some ways make their lives better (perhaps as a little parting gift to them), by helping to make some changes there while I’m still there, that would really be the best of both worlds, but we’ll see what happens. I’ll surrender and let Spirit guide me in this, as in all things, and we’ll see where it lands.
In the meantime, I need to heal and take care of myself, as I release the anxiety and emotions that this has brought up for me, and through that I trust that I will alchemize and level up once more. I’m feeling a lot of positive change coming around the corner. I’ve already tasted some of that, with higher energies of love and light coming in. Sometimes of late I’ve felt a sort light rising within me, it feels like a light filled with love, or a lovelight, I suppose ( I heard that term used before, and it’s fitting, I think).
I also notice how I react a little differently with this new twin flame connection, too, which is really nice to see. I haven’t talked too much about this connection yet, as it’s still new and I’m not sure where it’s going yet. There have certainly been some triggers, but I do feel that many things have shifted in how I respond and feel about things now, so it’s nice to see things moving in the right direction. These connections can be a bit of test too, if nothing else, in seeing how well we deal with challenges (and opportunities), and can be a measure to see how much we’ve grown. It’s nice to see that I’ve had some major positive shifts in how I deal with things related to my twin flame, as well.
To wrap things up, I’ll come back around to the title of this blog post. Sometimes we tend to get stuck in life, whether it’s with relationships or jobs or other things, because we think we should be grateful for what we have, and not demand too much out of life. We shouldn’t think that the grass is greener on the other side, and I think that has been part of my problem in my current situation, also. While that may be true at times, sometimes we are actually meant to move on to greater things and experiences, and then this idea that the grass isn’t greener isn’t particularly helpful. If you really feel drawn to something in your heart and soul, then trust that, and move forward. So I hope you take that to heart, as you navigate your own crazy journey called life (and ascension), and if you have dreams and desires, then go after them, as I also intend to do!
With that, I say goodbye for now, and as always send you much love & light!
Divine Love Alchemy 